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Family Systems: The Invisible Force Shaping Your Church
Posted on: Tuesday March 03, 2026

Free Resource: Download the “8 Traps That Kill Your Spaciousness” ebook:
👉
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/spaciousness

Churches don’t just have problems.
They are emotional systems.

In this episode of the Emotionally Healthy Leader Podcast, I introduce one of the most powerful frameworks I’ve ever learned for understanding leadership, conflict, and why anxiety spreads so quickly in churches: Family Systems Theory.
Much of this work comes from psychiatrist Murray Bowen and was later brought into church leadership by Edwin Friedman in Generation to Generation. But don’t worry — we’ll keep this practical, spiritual, and grounded in real ministry life.
If you’ve ever:

Walked into a meeting calm and left reactive
Worked harder at someone’s growth than they are
Watched conflict spread like electricity through your church
You’re not crazy. You’re leading inside an emotional system.


The greatest gift you will ever give your church is not better strategy.


It’s your own inner transformation.
Emotional health isn’t a side issue.
It’s leadership.
Listen in.

Learn more about our School of Emotionally Healthy Leadership:
👉
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/school

Download the “8 Traps That Kill Your Spaciousness” ebook:
👉
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/spaciousness

Emotional health isn’t optional. It’s essential.

Archives:
Tuesday October 16, 2018

This podcast looks at Jesus' intentional movement from active ministry with people to times of solitude in a desert place in order to be alone with the Father. It also examines practical ways we can develop a similar rhythm of finding our "desert" with God—regardless of the unique season or circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Tuesday October 09, 2018

In this podcast you will hear a message on God's invitation - at every stage of our life and leadership - to grasp ever more deeply that we are his "beloved," i.e. we are deeply loved by him. Getting this truth frees us from the demonic voices that tempt us to get our loveability from other sources and fills us with the courage we need to do God's will regardless of where it leads.
   

Tuesday October 02, 2018

In part 2 of this series, Pete talks about 4 additional gifts/applications from the Desert Fathers and Mothers that offer a challenge to us in leadership today.

Tuesday September 25, 2018

At the end of the third century Christian men and women began to flee the cities and villages of the Nile Delta in Egypt to seek God in the desert. In this podcast, Pete talks about what he believes is their contribution and gift for us today – both in our leadership and in our discipling of others.

Tuesday September 18, 2018

Pete expands on the 7 primary lessons (or gifts) from the Rule of Benedict that have profoundly influenced his life and leadership.

 

Tuesday September 11, 2018

The pressure to present an image of ourselves as strong and spiritually "together" hovers over most of us. We forget that not one of us is perfect and that we are all sinners. Pete explores Psalm 51 as a model for us, concluding with a few thoughts about our need to climb a ladder of humility if we are to lead well.

Wednesday September 05, 2018

Leadership in the name of Jesus is from the bottom up, not a grasping or controlling of circumstances and people. It is leading out of failure and pain, questions and struggles — a serving that lets go. It is a noticeably different way of life from what is commonly modeled in the world and, unfortunately, in many churches. Listen to this podcast about God's strange pathway of living and leading out of brokenness and vulnerability.

Tuesday August 28, 2018

In the gospel of John the word "belief" can best be understood as "relax in" or "trust." How do we get there? Listen to Pete's message based on John 6:16-21 and learn to relax. 

Monday August 20, 2018

Being a leader is knowing what to do next, why it's important, and then bringing the right resources to bear that will make it happen. And yet a core part of discipleship is being able to say, "I don't understand, Lord." Pete shares why it's necessary for each of us to go through "Dark Nights of the Soul" where we don't know what's going, because these are moments where God pulls us into deeper discipleship with Him.

Monday August 13, 2018

Pete shares how the truths of 1 Corinthians 13 and learning to really love others impacted him personally, radically changing his leadership and the discipleship culture at the church.