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Tag Archives: emotionally healthy skills

Clarify Expectations and Change Your Life

Unmet and unclear expectations create havoc in churches, families, friendships, marriages, and leadership teams. We expect other people to know what we want before we say it, especially when we know them well. The problem, however, is that most of these expectations are 1. Unconscious; 2. Unrealistic; 3. Unspoken; and 4. Un-agreed upon. In this podcast, I talk with Rich about the power of this Emotionally Healthy Relationship Course skill to transform our lives and teams. We discuss how the issue of expectations intersects with discipleship, job descriptions, and the grief we experience when they remain unmet. Listen at the link below. LISTEN HERE I am also very excited to announce that The Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference Video Package (May 3-4, 2017) is now available for only $49. Not only will you receive our best and most current thinking about EHS as a radical discipleship paradigm for the 21st century, you will also learn. Read more.

The 4 Questions of Emotionally Healthy Supervision

Every year at our Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference I am asked: “How is supervision in an emotionally healthy church different? What makes it distinct?” In emotionally healthy teams, role expectations are openly talked about and agreed upon. We evaluate how we are doing. But that is not enough. How people care for their inner lives is also important. The question is, “How important?” The answer is: “Very important.” Minimally transformed leaders will always result in minimally transformed teams doing minimally transforming ministry. How could we expect it to be any other way? As a result, there are four areas that we ask about on a regular basis: 1. How is your walk with Jesus? In other words, tell me about your rhythms of being with God and doing for God. How are you living out of your Rule of Life in this season? How has God been coming to you? I was so blessed. Read more.

The Emotionally Healthy Leader: More Than a Book

I wrote The Emotionally Healthy Leader with one primary goal in mind – to profoundly transform the leadership culture in our churches. Why? Long-term, sustainable, and effective mission in the world requires a deep spirituality which informs the way we: build cultures and teams, engage in planning and decision making, handle power and boundaries, and do endings/new beginnings.   For this to take place, our leadership teams need time to talk about the core concepts from The Emotionally Healthy Leader for our specific leadership contexts. Towards that end I wrote a free EH Leader Study and Discussion Guide and now have recorded 3-8 minute video introductions on each of the chapters as you launch into the discussion of the book. (These have been immensely helpful for us in our New Life Staff Team discussions). Introduction to the EH Leader Chapter 1:  The Emotionally Unhealthy Leader  The Inner Life Chapter 2: Face Your Shadow Chapter. Read more.

Measuring “Success”

Measuring ministry impact with numbers is biblical. The book of Acts uses numbers to describe the impact of the gospel — about 3,000 baptized (Acts 2:41), about 5,000 believers (Acts 4:4), crowds coming to faith (Acts 5:14). We have a whole book in the Bible called Numbers. So, in the context of the church, it is good to measure things like attendance, baptisms, membership, number of small groups, and financial giving. The problem comes when that is all we measure. Measuring deep, beneath the surface transformation in people’s lives is also critically important – if not more important. (Consider Paul, Gal. 4:19, Jesus mentoring the 12). The specifics of these internal markers will differ from ministry to ministry and from context to context. The following are several examples we set to measure at New Life Fellowship Church: Each leader at New Life will develop his or her relationship with God by spending ten to. Read more.

Neuroplasticity and Spiritual Formation

Geri and I have only recently begun to integrate into EHS and our leadership the enormous amount of research that has been done on the neuroplasticity of the brain.  (I recommend The Mindful Brain and Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel for starters). The implications for our spirituality and formation seem far-reaching. The following are a few insights that I have been considering as a I seek to build a healthy community at NLF and deepen EHS: Interactions with our primary caregivers directly shape our neural circuitry.Betweenbirth and five years old, millions of messages are encoded into our circuitry. Our brains are innately structured to ATTACH to human beings. God created us emotionally, spiritually and physiologically to bond with others. We also need ATTUNEMENT in order to thrive. At the heart of attunement is the sharing of non-verbal signals – enables us to “feel” each other (eyes, face, tone of voice, gestures, body. Read more.

The Components of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

I am often asked, “Pete, what exactly is emotionally healthy spirituality?”  The above chart describes her five different components.  1. Contemplative Spirituality (Slow Down to Be With God).   EHS is a commitment to slow down our lives in order to create a rhythm to be with Jesus. It is about creating space through contemplative practices (e.g. Daily Offices, Sabbath-Keeping, silence, solitude and Scripture) so that we remain in Jesus’ love.  We draw deeply from the radical movement of the desert fathers as well as Moses, Elijah and John the Baptist  in order that we might love others out of the love we have first received from Jesus Himself. 2. Emotionally Healthy Discipleship – EHS recovers a number of lost biblical themes often ignored in evangelical discipleship. These include  a theology of grieving (e.g. Psalms, Lamentations) and limits,  of breaking the sinful patterns of our family of origin and cultures, loving well and brokenness as the basis by which we. Read more.