To be an emotionally healthy leader requires many skills, practices, and rhythms. Over the last several weeks, we’ve explored many relationship skills that are non-negotiable for leaders. But if there is just ONE skill I’m convinced every leader must master, it’s “Incarnational Listening.” David Augsberger wrote, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.” When you master this relationship skill, Your spouse and friends will feel seen and heard. Your staff and volunteers will feel like you get them. Your church will experience you as compassionate and present. Your love for others will grow exponentially. In today’s podcast episode, my wife Geri and I share more about the skill of “Incarnational Listening” that is a part of Emotionally Healthy Relationships. I want to encourage you. This is one of the toughest skills to do well, but when you stick with it, I guarantee you it will change everything.

For the first 17 years of my Christian life, my emotional life was completely divorced from my spiritual life.  Or so I thought. When sadness, anger, or disappointment surfaced from my soul, I did not see them as gifts. As a leader, I saw my emotions as interruptions to “my real work” – moving the church forward and reaching the lost! As a result, I was not present with myself, with God, or with others. I saw my sadness as something to be overcome through prayer and Scripture. I would declare, “the joy of the Lord is my strength!” while ignoring the deep cries of my heart. The truth is that emotions never die. They are only buried alive. They always resurface, leaking into other parts of our lives and relationships.  It took a work of God for this to change in my life and marriage. When my wife Geri and I discovered the. Read more.

Leaders, by definition, are captivated by the future – moving forward, making progress, and changing the world. But what many leaders fail to appreciate is that we are all anchored in our past. In other words, none of us are “blank slates”. We each bring the blessings and curses of our families of origin (Exodus 20:5) into our relationships, churches, organizations, and businesses. Emotionally healthy leaders understand that you cannot go forward without first going backward. That is why the GENOGRAM is one of the core tools in both parts of the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course. When I became a Christian, I believed I was a “new creation” (2 Cor. 5:17) and that I no longer needed to deal with my past. However, when I discovered the genogram tool, I found a new way to bring all of the baggage of my family of origin to Jesus to be changed. The truth is –. Read more.

When was the last time someone let you down? ​​​​​​Or can you think of a recent moment where YOU let someone else down? I’ll bet the catalyst of these disappointments comes down to one thing –  unmet expectations. The truth is – unclear and unmet expectations have the power to rip apart relationships, divide staff teams, blow up families, and sink entire churches. That’s why expectations are a matter of life and death! There are 4 primary ways expectations go wrong: Your expectation is unconscious. You didn’t even know you had an expectation until it was violated. Your expectation is unrealistic. It is not reasonable given the person or circumstance. Your expectation is unspoken. You did not clearly articulate your expectation to another person. Your expectation is un-agreed upon. The other person never agreed to follow-through with your expectation. The good news is – this can all be remedied by learning the life-saving skill. Read more.

In over four decades of leadership, I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the biggest gaps in our leadership training comes down to one essential skill… Creating safety where everyone around you feels empowered to communicate clearly and honestly. Without this skill, church teams remain silenced – unable to speak truth and creating the conditions for an environment of frustration, resentment, and judgement. On today’s podcast, I’m joined by my wife Geri, as we explore the first of 8 essential relationship skills that every leader must adopt in order to unleash the God-given voice of our people. We’ll model a powerful skill called “Community Temperature Reading” and talk about how it applies to real life leadership scenarios. Imagine leading a church where every staff, leader, and volunteer knows how to communicate clearly. Imagine a culture, where everyone feels safe to tell the truth and has the skills needed to do so. Imagine the unity that is. Read more.