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Tag Archives: singleness

The 4 Questions in "Christian" Decision Making

Christian leaders ask 4 “beneath-the-iceberg” questions before making important decisions and plans: 1. How might my shadow be impacting my decisions/plan? Is this about me proving something? Am I looking for validation from others? Is this about my own ambition? Am I free from my anxieties, disordered desires, and unhealthy attachments? Do I need to talk with a trusted friend first? 2. What impact will this decision have on God’s call for me to lead out of my marriage or singleness? Will this lead to a diminishment in my oneness and closeness with my spouse or enhance it? As a single leader, will this decision hurt my closest, delightful relationships and ability to have a joyful life outside of work? 3. Am I making this decision from a non-anxious, anchored place of loving union with Jesus? Is there a sense that I am striving or making something happen? Am I abiding in Jesus (John. Read more.

What Makes a Leader Christian?

We can learn many things from secular sources about leadership. Yet Christian leadership is different. 1. Our leadership is ultimately about pointing people to Jesus. 2. Our leadership aims to equip people to become the living presence of God in the world. 3. Our marriage and singleness are calls to be a living sign and wonder of His love to the world. 4. Our plans flow out of a deep dependence and communion with God. 5. Our identity and authority emerge from a different foundation. 6. We lead out of our brokenness. What might you add?

What Makes a Leader Christian?

We can learn many things from secular sources about leadership. Yet Christian leadership is different. 1. Our leadership is ultimately about pointing people to Jesus. 2. Our leadership aims to equip people to become the living presence of God in the world. 3. Our marriage and singleness are calls to be a living sign and wonder of His love to the world. 4. Our plans flow out of a deep dependence and communion with God. 5. Our identity and authority emerge from a different foundation. 6. We lead out of our brokenness. What might you add?

The Illusion of “Fast” Church

We want deep churches where people are transformed. We also want wide churches that grow rapidly in numbers. The problem is that these two values are often incompatible. Think about it. Let’s say you are committed to bridging racial barriers in the church. That requires you slow down enough to listen to people’s stories, to ponder the complexity of structural and personal racism, to wrestle with issues of power and privilege, to read history and perspectives different than your own. Let’s take sexuality, singleness, and marriage. You can offer a class for 300 people at a time, touching broad theological issues at the 10,000-foot level. The problem, however, is that the issues are highly complex and nuanced. Each person and marriage has personal questions and struggles that require one-on-one conversations. The very preparation for this kind of formation slows you down. Think about the breadth of what is involved in a person’s formation in. Read more.

Equipping Singles and Marrieds: The Foundation of Transformed Churches

Geri and I have led a small group in our home for 25 of our 26 years at New Life. In fact, we begin our next one this coming week. We take a group of 16-18 people, marrieds and singles, and spend an intensive year together. Why do we do it?  The answer is simple: this is foundational to being a church where people are deeply transformed. Scripture teaches that both Christian singleness and marriage are sacramental vocations and prophetic. They each make visible the invisible reality of our marriage to Christ and are signs of God’s kingdom to a broken world (See Matt. 19:10-12 and Eph. 5:32). This vision is a far cry from both our secular and present church culture. I am daunted by the number and the complexity of issues bearing down on our people – the sexualization of our culture, dating, pornography, homosexuality, divorce, cohabitation, objectification of people, the challenges. Read more.

Marriage, Singleness and Spirituality

This weekend Geri and I are leading a retreat for 16 couples in NJ. It is the fruit of over 12  years of thinking about a theology of sexuality, marriage and spirituality. We limited the retreat purposefully and spent an inordinate amount of time creating a one and a half day experience in Scripture, small groups, time alone with God and emotionally healthy skills.  It will be the first of 2 parts that we hope to make more permanent a part of NLF culture for all marrieds. It was a challenge for me to clear my life the last two weeks in preparation. I find myself easily pulled into larger, more “grandiose ministry”. God used her groundedness and this weekend to pull me down to earth (humus-humility) about what is really important. That is integrity in our spiritual lives and vocations — whether we are single or married. Paul makes clear that if we are skimming on. Read more.