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10 Qualities of an Emotionally Healthy Wedding

Posted on June 14th, 2013

wedding After 9 months of planning Pete and I celebrated our daughter’s wedding last Sat. with about 180 guests. Out of that experience we realized there is such a thing as an “Emotionally Healthy Wedding.” Here are a few reflections as to what made it such a distinct, rich experience: 1. We Recognized Our Peerage. Our peerage with Christy had been established years ago. (We have done it with each of our daughters in young adulthood). We were not in a one-up, adult-child relationship. 2. We Clearly Expressed that the Most Important Thing for us was their Premarital Preparation. This was part of our gift to them. 3. We Gave a Gift of a Fixed Amount of Money and Let Go. Because this was a gift, they controlled the wedding, not us. There were no strings attached. They made the decisions and asked us for input along the way. 4. We Recognized the Most Important Part of the Day was the Exchange of The Vows. A lot of preparation went into all the festivities but we kept focus on the priority of the vows and had the privilege of helping them create and shape this beautiful, sacred ceremony. 5. We were Profoundly Aware of the Spiritual Implications of the Day. We were mindful of the ultimate wedding feast with Jesus to which the day pointed. 6. We Created Lots of Margin. This was not an event to squeeze into our already full lives. We created the necessary space before the wedding. 7. We Were Aware of and Managed Our Own Anxieties. There were plenty of things to worry about, from 6 inches of rain the day before our outdoor wedding, to the groom’s grandfather dying 4 days before the big day, to other people’s attitudes that were challenging. We paid attention to it and responded appropriately. 8. We Nurtured Our Own Ongoing Oneness Throughout the Wedding Weekend. Pete and I kept an on-going intimate conversation with each other amidst lots of other people and activity. We were together emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. 9. We Rejoiced. This was not simply a weekend event, or nine months of preparation, but a lifetime of labor in preparing Christy for the birthing of this new family. 10. We Celebrated with Passion. We joined Jesus who created 150 bottles of the best wine at a wedding. There was music, dancing, wine and lots of joy. What might you add to this list?

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