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Tag Archives: true self

Am I Becoming a More Mature, Differentiated Leader?

One of the key tasks of leadership is to become increasingly differentiated. Our primary task, like Jesus, is to calmly differentiate our “true self” from the demands and voices around us, discerning the unique life the Father has given us . This requires that I get calm and clear about what God has given me to do, that I take the necessary time to get clear about my values and goals, and that I get the core of my validation needs met from His love. The following is a self-inventory to help you determine if you are growing in your level of differentiation: Your life is becoming easier. You are able to distinguish between thinking and feeling. You have a greater ability to manage your triggers. You worry less about what others think. People in your family do better. Your goals become clearer. You have an ability to “stay out” of others’ emotions. You. Read more.

Am I Becoming a More Mature, Differentiated Leader?

One of the key tasks of leadership is to become increasingly differentiated. Our primary task, like Jesus, is to calmly differentiate our “true self” from the demands and voices around us, discerning the unique life the Father has given us . This requires that I get calm and clear about what God has given me to do, that I take the necessary time to get clear about my values and goals, and that I get the core of my validation needs met from His love. The following is a self-inventory to help you determine if you are growing in your level of differentiation: Your life is becoming easier. You are able to distinguish between thinking and feeling. You have a greater ability to manage your triggers. You worry less about what others think. People in your family do better. Your goals become clearer. You have an ability to “stay out” of others’ emotions. You. Read more.

What is the difference between Christian transformation and other transformational programs?

As I prepare for my small group meeting this week I am mindful that we are not just about transformation, but very distinctly, Christian transformation. My reminder comes as I contemplate the work of theologian and New Testament scholar, Robert Mulholland, on the “eve” of his upcoming visit to NLF. I had the opportunity to sit under his teaching last year and next weekend he’ll be with our leadership community. Ever since I discovered (should say experienced) the life-changing integration of emotional health and spirituality I have wanted to eagerly lead others into transformation. Dr. Mulholland’s NT work dovetails beautifully with what I am seeking to accomplish in the lives of my small group members which is, putting off the false self and putting on the true self. This is a significant part of the growth required for Christian maturity and authentic loving. Robert Mulholland’s work is highly concentrated on keeping this transformation anchored. Read more.

The False Self

Bob Mulholland Jr. was a professor of New Testament at Asbury Theological Seminary for most of his adult life. His life work included a study on the “false self” as the primary hindrance that keeps us from loving union with Jesus (i.e. abiding/remaining in Him, John 15:5). He described his findings in The Deeper Journey: The Spirituality of Discovering Your True Self (IVP). I called him last week to talk about this theme in preparation for my sermon on John 5:17-19. We talked about how, like an archeological tell, deeper and deeper layers of our false self must be shed over the years. His list includes: Fear– vs. trust Protectiveness – fear of disclosure. Possessiveness – vs. letting go. Manipulation – attempting to manipulate those around me, or God, to my agenda. Destructiveness –using others. Self-promotion Indulgence – even in excessive religious practices. Distinction/judgmentalism He notes how the religious false self is the most insidious. Read more.

Emotionally Healthy Goal Setting

Four critical factors form the foundation of personal and organizational goal setting. When ignored, we will find ourselves, eventually, anxious and rushing, with too much to do in too little time. These include: 1. God’s First Goal for You. My first goal is to be a contemplative who dwells in God’s presence (See Ps. 27:4 for David’s modeling of this). Establishing these daily, weekly, annual rhythms to be with God comes first. 2. The Interior Movements of the Heart. I listen for the consolations and desolations of the Holy Spirit inside me. Does this initiative give me life or death as I imagine myself going this direction? 3. The Gift of Limits. Rebellion against God is tightly tied to making good plans for God that are not His. (See The Emotionally Healthy Church, chapter 8). For example, since I am called to lead out of a great marriage, every initiative is filtered through its impact on my. Read more.

Solitude: The Pathway to Your True Self

When I asked my PhD friend to reflect, after over 30 years of therapy with high-powered executives and pastors, why leaders have such a difficult time stopping and being still. He laughed. “Pete,” he replied with a smile, “They are terrified. They can’t stop. Their self is so tied into achievement, into their doing and work, they are afraid they will die if they stop.” This Isenheim Altarpiece painted by Matthias Grünewald some time between 1512 and 1516 captures the intense struggle to die to the false self. We see ugly demons trying to torment Anthony of Athanasius to leave the place of solitude with Jesus. Each of us needs to fashion our own desert where we can withdraw and allow the gentle touch of Jesus free us. The shape of the discipline of solitude will look different for each of us. But one thing is sure — a fruitful life can only flow out. Read more.

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